NOTE: This was written BEFORE the playoffs started. These are regular season awards ONLY.
Welcome to the 1st Annual ALBYs – The Official Award Ceremonial Post of Albert Tawil’s Annual Fantasy Football League.
The ALBYs will consist of both mathematical, factual awards, as well as judgment awards, decided by myself. For the judgmental awards, I have selected nominees and a winner for each one. Let’s start off with the mathematical awards:
The ALBY for MOST TOTAL POINTS SCORED IN THE REGULAR SEASON goes to:
Alan Shamah (Manager of Horny Jews Rule)
Shamah scored a total of 1331.04 points through the thirteen weeks of the regular season, averaging a little over 102 points PER WEEK.
The ALBY for LEAST POINTS SCORED IN THE REGULAR SEASON goes to:
Irwin Cohen (Manager of chicken joe)
Cohen scored a total of 919.02 points through the thirteen weeks of the regular season, averaging an astounding 70.69 points per week.
The ALBY for MOST POINTS SCORED IN A SINGLE WEEK goes to:
Victor Dweck/Eshko (Managers of fukU dome)
Dweck/Eshko scored 139.32 points in Week 12 against Joe Benun (Manager of JoeMama). Although already being eliminated from the playoffs, Dweck/Eshko’s players still performed to their highest potential. Here are the 3 leading scorers for fukU dome on Week 12:
Ben Roethlisberger (Pit – QB): 22.02 points
Michael Turner (Atl – RB): 35.70 points
Randy Moss (NE – WR): 30.50 points
The ALBY for LEAST POINTS SCORED IN A SINGLE WEEK goes to:
Oh, my goodness, it’s a tie!
Irwin Cohen (Manager of chicken joe) and Ezra Tebele/Ariel Bivas (Managers of Prestige Worldwide) both scored 0.00 points in Week 13. The main reason for the lack of points for both managers was the managers’ benching of their respective rosters. This leads us to our next award…
The ALBY for LEAST POINTS SCORED IN A SINGLE WEEK WHEN THE MANAGER STARTED PLAYERS goes to:
Ezra Tebele (Manager of Prestige Worldwide)
Tebele scored 26.80 points in Week 7 against Joe Benun (Manager of JoeMama).
Prestige Worldwide receivers Jerricho Cotchery (NYJ – WR) and Marques Colston (NO – WR) contributed to the affair with a combined score of 0.00. Reggie Bush (NO – RB) scored 6.64 points that week, or in better terms, a little over 24% of Tebele’s total Week 7 points.
The ALBY for MOST POINTS SCORED IN A LOSS goes to:
Leo Kassin (Manager of Bbrooksback!!!!)
Kassin scored a hefty 115.86 points in Week 10, only to find that his opponent, Joe Benun (Manager of JoeMama) scored 123.54. If Kassin wasn’t so unlucky in Week 10, and won like he probably should have, he would have made the playoffs. Well, too bad.
The ALBY for LEAST POINTS SCORED IN A WIN goes to:
David Beyda/Joey Sassoon (Managers of Niggerfaggot)
Beyda/Sassoon scored 62.50 points in Week 9, to find that he outlasted Albert Sutton (Manager of papi), who scored an even worse 62.38. I think it actually got to a point where they were fighting to see who would lose the least amount.
The ALBY for CLOSEST MATCHUP goes to:
Ezra Tebele/Ariel Bivas (Managers of Prestige Worldwide) vs. Irwin Cohen (Manager of chicken joe) of Week 13.
Tebele/Bivas and Cohen each scored 0.00, resulting in this league’s first ever TIE. The funny part is that if Tebele/Bivas started Peyton Manning (
The ALBY for CLOSEST MATCHUP IN WHICH THE MANAGERS STARTED PLAYERS goes to:
Albert Sutton (Manager of papi) vs. David Beyda/Joey Sassoon (Managers of Niggerfaggot) of Week 9.
Sutton scored 62.50, outlasting Beyda/Sassoon by .12 (holy crap), which is equivalent to a little more than ONE receiving/rushing yard. I remember watching the Sunday Night game of that week in which Sutton’s receiver Wes Welker (NE – WR) was playing in. It was 1st and 10 and Welker caught an 8-yard pass, according to the announcers and StatTracker. But, the next down was 2nd and 1. Somehow, a yard got lost in the mix…This yard would have made it painfully close, to the point of which the league site would have broken down (like the draft two years ago) and the league would be cancelled.
That concludes the mathematical awards.
Here are the JUDGED AWARDS:
The ALBY for PICKUP OF THE YEAR:
The nominees for this award are: Steve Slaton (Hou – RB), Eddie Royal (Den – WR), Matt Cassel (NE – QB), Kurt Warner (Ari – QB), Chris Johnson (Ten – RB)
The ALBY goes to… [trying to open envelope…]
Kurt Warner (Ari – QB)
Warner was originally picked up by Leo Kassin (Manager of Bbrooksback!!!!) on
The ALBY for TRADE OF THE Y EAR
The nominees are:
Kurt Warner (Ari – QB), Matt Jones (Jac – WR) and DeSean Jackson (Phi – WR) for Matt Ryan (Atl – QB) and Kevin Curtis (Phi – WR) (Kassin – Benun)
and
Calvin Johnson (Det – WR), Antwaan Randle El (Was – WR), and Thomas Jones (NYJ – RB) for Willie Parker (Pit – RB), Ike Hilliard (TB – WR) and Bobby Engram (Sea – WR) (Tawil – Dwek/Dwek)
The ALBY goes to…
Warner, Jones,
Joe Benun received future MVP Candidate Kurt Warner, druggy receiver Matt Jones and exciting rookie DeSean Jackson for Matt Ryan who was later dropped, and Kevin Curtis who racked up a loser-ish 288 yds and 1 TD the entire season. And you thought Student Council was a rip-off…
The ALBY for SURPRISE MANAGER OF THE YEAR
The nominees are: Alan Shamah (Manager of [fill this hour’s team name here]), Louie Massry/Eli Musry (Managers of I’m Lost) for being surprisingly bad, and Ezra Sakkal/Noury Chemtob (Managers of bulshreck duck)
And The ALBY goes to…
Alan Shamah
The words “Alan Shamah” are usually synonymous with the words “worst freekin manager”, but not this year. Alan Shamah captured 1st place in the standings, and scored the most total points in the regular season.
The ALBY for LUCKIEST MANAGER
The nominees are: Leo Kassin (Manager of Bbrooksback!!!!), Ezra Sakkal/Noury Chemtob (Managers of bulshreck duck).
The ALBY goes to…
Leo Kassin
Starting off with a 7-2 record, and finishing 7-6, Kassin only scored above 90 TWICE. Some of wins included numbers like 81, 66 (wtf), 86 (ok…), 73 (come on…), 72 (divine intervention). Kassin didn’t make the playoffs, but it was much closer than he should have been.
The ALBY for UNLUCKIEST MANAGER
The nominees are: Ezra Tebele (Manager of Prestige Worldwide), Albert Tawil (Manger of Viva la Vida ODAAHF)
The ALBY goes to…
Albert Tawil
Tawil scored 4th in the league in points, only 6 points behind the 2nd place in points. Tawil was one win a way from clinching a playoff spot, but ended the regular season with 3 losses in a row, knocking him out of the playoffs. Tawil scored under 90 THREE times, and lost all of those 3 times. His other 4 losses came with performances of: 95, 93, 96, 95…GIVE ME A BREAK. Not only that, but in his first three losses (Weeks 3-5), he was outscore by 4, 2, and 2. If this isn’t unlucky, then I don’t know what is.
The ALBY for WORST MANAGER OF THE YEAR
The nominees are: Louie Massry/Eli Musry (Managers of I’m Lost), Irwin Cohen (Manager of chicken joe).
The ALBY goes to…
Irwin Cohen
Cohen only won 3 times this season, combining for only 919 total points (average of 70.69 per week). However, he did bench his players the last week of the season, limiting the total potential of points his team could have had. He is still bad though. Cohen scored over 90 only TWICE, and even managed to score under 50 twice. His lineup looked decent on paper (not really…) but they just didn’t perform.
And now, drumroll please…
The ALBY for MANAGER OF THE YEAR
The nominees are: Albert Sutton (Manager of papi), Alan Shamah (Manager of Horny Jews Rule)
The ALBY goes to…
Albert Sutton (Manager of papi) [haha, Alan thought he was getting it…]
Sutton ended with a 9-4 record, securing a first round bye. He scored under 80 just 4 times, and over 100 three times. When Tom Brady went down in the first quarter of the first game of the season, we all thought Sutton’s season was over. But it wasn’t: after going 0-2, Sutton bounced back to win 9 of his next 11.
Thank you for reading,
Albert Tawil
Commissioner of Albert Tawil's Annual Fantasy Football League
